Leaving the House....

I am not sitting around and doing nothing, I do try to get out.

I got dressed up and left the house tonight.

For some reason I'm fascinated with my fingers lately. Here is what they looked like tonight:

I broke two of my nails recently so they are very short. I wore my golden brown leather skirt and brown sweater with this jacket. The jacket makes much more sense with the leather skirt, but I wanted a picture of my hands and the waistband of the skirt was just a smidge below them..

I really think the blue nails work here. I'm not sure how I'm going to make sense of them the rest of this week.

I drove someplace new for the party and I had a really hard time figuring out where the turns were.

I would like to file a formal complaint with the Village of Salado - it was a dark and stormy night and no street lights were on. I had to wait for flashes of lightening to find the damn turn off.

Luckily halfway to the house there were about a dozen light posts illuminating the circular part of the drive.

The rain stopped by the time I left and I'm glad I didn't get a good look at the lamp posts on the way in:

I would have felt like I was entering a gothic romance.

I've quit pretending....

For almost three years I've pretended to be someone I'm not because I fell in love with a man who was not of my world.

It did not go well when I approached him, oh so tentatively, and started to open up about the 'real' me.

It's been a month since I said goodbye.

I've been false for so long I need a place to start being myself again.

So, the blog.

This blog is not going to be about the failure of my relationship, I made my decision and as much as it pains me I will stick to it.

When I feel weak I tell myself I deserve a man who wants to love me and doesn't feel guilt or shame for loving me.

This blog is going to be about my journey back to myself.

There are two voices inside me waiting to get out - the first is the part of me that has filters, it's my public face. The face I built for the man I love.

The second is the cynical, dark part of me that I tend to stifle. The part of me he did not want to know. I think I need to let that voice out occassionally.

Hopefully I will find a way to bring the two of them into balance. But until then, my blog will have a form of Greek chorus.

This is my chorus color. Woo Hoo.