I've quit pretending....

For almost three years I've pretended to be someone I'm not because I fell in love with a man who was not of my world.

It did not go well when I approached him, oh so tentatively, and started to open up about the 'real' me.

It's been a month since I said goodbye.

I've been false for so long I need a place to start being myself again.

So, the blog.

This blog is not going to be about the failure of my relationship, I made my decision and as much as it pains me I will stick to it.

When I feel weak I tell myself I deserve a man who wants to love me and doesn't feel guilt or shame for loving me.

This blog is going to be about my journey back to myself.

There are two voices inside me waiting to get out - the first is the part of me that has filters, it's my public face. The face I built for the man I love.

The second is the cynical, dark part of me that I tend to stifle. The part of me he did not want to know. I think I need to let that voice out occassionally.

Hopefully I will find a way to bring the two of them into balance. But until then, my blog will have a form of Greek chorus.

This is my chorus color. Woo Hoo.